rsonal, spangles. and after i went to all the trouble of designing special handcuffs just for us to play with.”

”i feel the need to stress that when you say 'just for us to play with', you really mean 'just for when you kidnapped me', and those are two very distinctly different scenarios.”

”did captain america just make a dirty joke?” tony cracked a grin, not that the captain could see him behind his visor. ”oh, i like you. can i keep you? i'm totally keeping you.”

”isn't this the part where you ask if i have any last words, not for my autograph and telephone number?” the captain said dryly.

”if you autograph the iron man suit big enough for fury to read from the sky, i swear to god i'll hand deliver you back to shield myself, right now. i'll even put a nice little bow on your forehead and everything.”

”as it just so happens, i have a policy against signing supervillains.” the captain's voice betrayed no traces of amusement, but tony caught the slight quirk of his lips.

”ah, villains get all the shit luck. not giving out your phone number either then, i take it?”

”i'm pretty sure if i gave you my phone you'd somehow turn it into a bomb.”

”of course not, cappy, you wound me. besides, you're so much more fun in one piece.”

”it's strange, but i'm not enjoying myself quite as much as you seem to be. might have something to do with being handcuffed and held prisoner against my will, but maybe that's just me.”

”oh, you know how it is, it's just so hard to meet people these days. and frankly, my dear, spandex quite suits you.”

”sorry, 'darling'.” it was sarcastic and apanied by an eyeroll, but tony still found it unquestionably awesome that captain america had just called him darling. ”but i'm afraid i don't feel quite the same about you in your tin man suit.”

”a 'tin man suit', he says,” tony huffed, ”this 'tin man suit' is a modern marvel, the likes of which will shape technology for centuries and the details of which would blow your little mind, but considering you're probably one of those little old men that calls a cell phone 'one of those new-fangled whozits', i'll deign to ive you.”

the captain flushed, just a hint of pink visible only to tony's observant eye.

”oh my god, you totally did.”

”once!” the captain protested, then, after a beat of silence, ”and i called it a whatzit, not whozit.”

tony couldn't help his hysterical laughter, nearly doubling over in his efforts to hold it back. when he managed to catch his breath, he wagged a finger at the captain.

”oh yes, you and i are going to have loads of fun, cap.”

”tell you what.” the captain flashed him a grin. ”renounce evil forever and i'lle visit you in jail.”

”sorry darling, but i've got plans.” tony chuckled. ”and they kind of depend on me not being behind bars for the foreseeable future.”

”more's the pity,” the captain just inclined his head in some sort of signal, ”guess you'll have to cancel.”

it was at this point that hawkeye and black widow, two of shield's most annoyingly talented agents, had seeded in breaking into the building, breaking the captain out ”just in time” as tony had planned, and they had a quick skirmish that ended in the warehouse's explosion and iron man's escape. it was all very dramatic and supervillain-y and la di dah, and tony had been quite proud of himself.

and if he started kidnapping captain america more often, so what?

when phil coulson showed up on the front step of steve rogers' apartment, he just barely resisted the urge to wince.

steve liked phil, he did. really. he could just be a touch…overbearing, at times. as clint had phrased it, the man had a bit of a ”fanboy crush” on him. steve had already signed every last one of his trading cards and a handful of other paraphernalia. it was all a bit silly, really, especially when around everyone else the man was nothing if not a stone-faced professional.

”we have a new assignment for you.”

”am i being pulled off the iron man case?” steve quickly interjected, ”is it because he kidnapped me again? you know if you took me off his case he'd just kidnap me from home and we'd be back to square one-”

of all the new things he'd discovered after waking up in the future, iron man was by far the most intriguing. no, not intriguing, steve mentally adjusted hastily, intriguing made it sound as if they were friends. iron man was just…strange. a pain in the rear, really. he should steadfastly hate the man behind the mask, want nothing more than to bring him in—and he did, really. he'd love nothing more, and at first he'd been all but obsessed with iron man's capture and imprisonment. but, well.

somewhere along the line, things had gottenplicated.

he still wanted iron man to face justice. of course he did, but it was getting harder and harder to remind himself that the man behind the mask was well and true a villain, not something more akin to a sparring partner playing a role. sure, iron man kidnapped him damn near constantly, but it didn't feel…evil. iron man never did him any real harm, never emotionally or physically tortured him, just bantered and joked and, and…flirted.